Bark Out Loud FAQs * Previous Transcripts * Pet Health Care Gazette
Transcript from "Navigating Through Grief" |
May 17, 2010
turtlelady81: A very warm welcome to Nadine M. Rosin, author of "The Healing Art of Pet Parenthood" #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Now Q1: How does one know when it's time to give the pet rest? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A1a Honor 2B here, TY! How does one know? several ways: 1)quality of life having more good days than bad? or other way around? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A1b I would never let a pet suffer-by that I mean pain.Also-use your intuition! U R so connected to that animal-trust UR intuition #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A1c the last month of my girl's life was eating, sleeping in my arms and being loved. #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A1d not such a bad month! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: What have you guys experienced about this? #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @ppa4u A1a Exactly what I tell my patient's parents: When QOL declines, more bad days than good, time to say "goodbye" :-( #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: I think what you're saying about intuition is really important... commonly called, "your gut", right? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @turtlelady81 yes- we all have conversations w/our dogs, right?!? #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: It was hard to know what to do when my dogs were in their last months. Just "gut" feeling, but hard to say goodbye. But humane. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: When I had my boy Oliver, I didn't wait until a complete decline. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Good point. Want to know they have quality of life. RT @turtlelady81: When I had Oliver, I didnt wait until a complete decline. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Though a rapid decline was inevitable. I chose to let him go while he was still beautiful and not suffering. #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @Mod_Hilary - agree, going w/your gut - you know your dog, even if you don't want to accept, thru love - you do the right thing #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: With my Spunky, I took care of him and kept him comfortable for last few weeks. Lots of cuddling and being loved. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: But it was my intuition that clued me in that there was no need to wait. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u Can you do a brief sum of never having to say goodbye? #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: #barkoutloud I knew Billiebob had probable liver cancer, still the pain onset was sudden and severe and it was time
ppa4u: @turtlelady81 Makes perfect sense-they are not afraid of death like we are #barkoutloud
foster_sj: My pet Will walked to a stream and stood in the water. He had always feared water. I knew he was ready to go. #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Q1 Some can still get caught in denial - it's very powerful. When Dickens lost 20% of his body weight over a mo.I focused elsewhere #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: can`t let them go on when max dose doggy narcotics is not controlling pain #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @foster_sj BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Wow. RT @foster_sj: My pet Will walked to a stream and stood in the water. He had always feared water. I knew he was ready to go. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Can see pain in their eyes; time. RT @lookwhatlabs: can`t let them go on when max dose doggy narcotics is not controlling pain #barkoutloud
kindcutesteve: what many of you are saying is that your pet, dog, gave you the signal when it was time to go #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: He still loved his food, knew who I was and had the wherewithall to play a little, but slept a lot too #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @foster_sj Perfect example of true communication/knowing/intuition/connection #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @kindcutesteve In my case, I had to talk him into it.... #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @dancingdogblog Yes, many ppl are in denial and keeps the pet alive even when pet is in pain. #barkoutloud
louisebear2: I use my dogs eyes 2 tell me when it is time #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @dancingdogblog Sounds like a perfectly sweet transition. No loving pet parent will keep pet alive when there's obvious suffering #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Important to remember it's about what's best for the pet. Difficult to put aside your own emotions though! #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @kindcutesteve I think he would have held on...cuz he had been in a "healing" mode. I talked to him about letting go. #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Yes, see that too often. RT @Mod_Hilary: @dancingdogblog Many ppl are in denial and keeps the pet alive even when pet is in pain. #barkoutloud
kindcutesteve: @turtlelady81 I understand what you are saying; and their are dogs that will want to stay alive despite the suffering #barkoutloud
FixItFish: @BooFixItFish 10yr cousin Lucy w/Lupis recently really sick but combo Good Vet working w/Me Step by $ Step basis -Energy ball 2day #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: shall I share a pic of old Billiebob, best dog ever? #barkoutloud?
kimhalligan1: I think dogs drop hints & let you know its time to go #barkoutloud Harder for the person left behind.
dancingdogblog: @Mod_Lorie It's gotta be a tough thing for a vet to help their client with. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Sure; please do! RT @lookwhatlabs: shall I share a pic of old Billiebob, best dog ever? #barkoutloud? #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @kindcutesteve - yes they love us so much & try so hard to hold on, but true love let's go when it is best #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @kimhalligan1 I agree totally- great point #barkoutloudMod_Lorie Agree! RT @kimhalligan1: I think dogs drop hints & let you know its time to go #barkoutloud Harder for the person left behind. #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: http://tweetphoto.com/22885732 Billiebob, lost to liver cancer March 2009 #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Q2. How do I make the most of the time I have left? #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @FixItFish Great that vet is working with you re Lucy's Lupus. It's tough. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: And, I suspect every pet does it differently, yes? #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @lookwhatlabs Beautiful boy! #barkoutloud
louisebear2: Billiebob is gorgeous #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A2a Spend real quality time being totally present eg: entire day turn off phones, computer, etc. really connect w/UR beloved pet #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @dancingdogblog Billiebob ate off fine china the doggy icecream his last day #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Beautiful boy. So sorry. RT @lookwhatlabs: http://tweetphoto.com/22885732 Billiebob, lost to liver cancer March 2009 #barkoutloud
kimhalligan1: I think it was very brave of you to let Oliver go @turtlelady81 #barkoutloud Its a very personal thing when deciding time to let go of a dog.
OttoDeb: Billiebob is beautiful-RIP RT @lookwhatlabs: http://tweetphoto.com/22885732 Billiebob, lost to liver cancer March 2009 #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Lorie thanks still miss him, as I am certain we all do, never forgotten #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @lookwhatlabs Gorgeous boy! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A2b it's important to really B in the NOW- let go of past regret and future fear-in the NOW is the only place 4 really quality time #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Oliver.. lost to cancer Nov. 2008 http://twitpic.com/1c1jnv #barkoutloud
kimhalligan1: Now thats priceless RT @lookwhatlabs @dancingdogblog Billiebob ate off fine china the doggy icecream his last day #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: important to focus on quality time with them when you know time is coming #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @lookwhatlabs Absolutely. Gone but never forgotten. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Be in the now. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @turtlelady81 Oliver was gorgeous. So sorry. #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: let`s have some other memorial pics #barkoutloud
FixItFish: Was & @BooFixItFish my 1st, can't imagine RT @Mod_Hilary: @FixItFish Great that vet is working with you re Lucy's Lupus. It's tough.#barkoutloud
foster_sj: Some pets love to listen to music when they're sick, true? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A2c you would trade days of work/income, other obligations-anything to have more time when they're gone. Take it NOW #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Lorie there is a pet memorial website, very nice, that I put Billiebob on, will post when I can find it #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: yep - spoiling a must! RT @lookwhatlabs: important to focus on quality time with them when you know time is coming #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @foster_sj yes! Dogs love music, fragrant flowers, etc #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Aww! RT @kimhalligan1: thats priceless RT @lookwhatlabs @dancingdogblog Billiebob ate off fine china doggy icecream his last day #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie @lookwhatlabs: Yes, please post that memorial website. I'd love to see it. #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: Rusty, died on operating table during routine surgery April 2009 :( http://twitpic.com/1e2xci #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Mary gave Oliver the best of herself and still does! . . . in his memory. #barkoutloud
ppa4u: I can't get to any of your photos from this acct, but will look when we're finished here! #barkoutloud
gooddogz: couldn't stay away---I have had dogs who did NOT let me know when it was time #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @kimhalligan1 was just looking, have pics of that, breaks my heart tho #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: After a pet is gone, we have good days and bad days. Sometimes break down even a year later! There's no cutoff to grieving. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @RustyDawgPetPro Another beautiful boy! #barkoutloud
AzmiraHAC: @turtlelady81 Very handsome dog! #barkoutloud
FixItFish: Precious RT @turtlelady81: Oliver.. lost to cancer Nov. 2008 http://twitpic.com/1c1jnv #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Me, too. Sometimes stoic. RT @gooddogz: couldnt stay away---I have had dogs who did NOT let me know when it was time #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @Mod_Hilary Yes, I still miss Spunky and Ebony. Spunky's been gone for 5 years now. #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Now all there is RT @ppa4u: A2c u wld trade days of work/income, other obligationsto have more time when theyre gone. Take it NOW #barkoutloud
wholedogcamp: We are trying to decide whether/when to give Dandylion a soft landing #barkoutloud He's been diagnosed w/brain cancer
Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Most difficult when unexpected, I think. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Oh no! RT @wholedogcamp: Trying to decide whether/when to give Dandylion a soft landing #barkoutloud Hes been diagnosed w/brain cancer #barkoutloud
wholedogcamp: Just one year ago, he was a chipper 10yrold bichon, now, he is very feeble, but he is still our Dandylion #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: ahhh he loved the snow RT @FixItFish: Precious RT @turtlelady81: Oliver.. lost to cancer Nov. 2008 http://twitpic.com/1c1jnv #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Yes, I think so too. RT @Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Most difficult when unexpected, I think. #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: http://tweetphoto.com/22886592 happier days shopping on his 15th birthday #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: Very....still can't get over it ... RT @Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Most difficult when unexpected, I think. #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @wholedogcamp I am so sad for you all. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Same w/my losses. RT @Mod_Lorie: @Mod_Hilary Yes, I still miss Spunky and Ebony. Spunky been gone for 5 years now. #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Lorie I will have to do some digging and will post it on my FB page which is linked to here #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: So sorry! RT @wholedogcamp: We are trying to decide whether/when to give Dandylion a soft landing Hes been diagnosed w/brain cancer #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @wholedogcamp Oh no! This was recent? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @gooddogz In that case, I would say it wasn't time. When it's time-when they're suffering or want to go-they make SURE you know #barkoutloud
surfpet: @FixItFish looks like he had some fun making those trails in the snow! #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u How do they make sure you know? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @wholedogcamp IMO nothing wrong w/feeble if no pain :) #barkoutloud
wholedogcamp: It was easier to make that decision for Lassie when she was 17, but very difficult for Dandylion. I expected him to live longer #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: It helps to have wonderful friends with you, if you so choose, when you let your pet go. @foster_sj was with me and Oliver.... #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @wholedogcamp you will be able to determine quality of life, so so sorry to hear that #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @wholedogcamp - we had 6yo die of brain cancer. Planted a tree in his honor. #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @ppa4u oh the dogs suffered no doubt. Vet said "the didn't read the text book and didn't realize they should be dead already" #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @wholedogcamp you will have lots of support here #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Hard to say goodbye when they're older and have lived full life, but really difficult when still young. #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @tacrabtree awww thats a nice thing to do #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @Mod_Hilary Like the water example we saw earlier-doing something they've never done B4- acting strangely #barkoutloud
FixItFish: (Not sure, but this may be a bit to sad for me - maybe just a long day - so catch you next time #barkoutloud
AzmiraHAC: @Mod_Hilary Definitely no time limit on grieving. Some days could be as painful 5 yrs down the road as it was on the first. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: You're right! RT @Mod_Lorie: Hard to say goodbye when theyre older and have lived full life, but really difficult when still young. #barkoutloud
FixItFish: Very much & :)Hi! RT @surfpet: @FixItFish looks like he had some fun making those trails in the snow! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @gooddogz I believe when they really want to leave, they leave. They're not carrying the same stories about death that we are #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @FixItFish Sorry this is hard for you. Hope you can come to another chat. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @FixItFish Thanx for being here for awhile...it is sad... #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Turtlelady planned a loving ceremony for Oliver, and we shared our 10 Best Things About him. It's a treasured memory. #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @FixItFish - yep my eyes are leaking, have a good night - next week :) #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: OK. Understand. RT @ppa4u: @Mod_Hilary Like the water example we saw earlier-doing something theyve never done B4- acting strangely #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @gooddogz Also- they obviously loved you so much they didn't want to leave you and I don't think that's so bad #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @FixItFish Good night. Sorry it hurts. Next week will be a happier chat. But grief is part of life for all of us :-( #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @ppa4u disagree when I was the 1 prolonging life w meds, but I have peace w it now---hard in the moment #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Nice! RT @foster_sj: Turtlelady planned loving ceremony 4 Oliver, & we shared our 10 Best Things About him. Its treasured memory. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @foster_sj Many in attendance... then a big ole shabanging party in his honor! #barkoutloud
wholedogcamp: He's doesn't seem to be in pain, but the vet says he will likely suffocate or seizure to death, brain stem tumor #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Good pt-prolonging life. RT @gooddogz: @ppa4u disagree when I was the 1 prolonging life w meds, but I have peace w it now #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Hilary thanks very much! losing him was a rough one #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @wholedogcamp that's when vets should be allowed to give us drugs to do it ourselves. I know it's illegal--but---- #barkoutloud
lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Lorie loving them so much is what makes us who we are #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @wholedogcamp Again, I believe we need to do what we think is best at the time and whatever that is is ok w/our doggies. next ? #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @wholedogcamp Doesn't sound like a painfree way to leave. Hard decision to make..to know when it's right :-( #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: @FixItFish Sorry this is a difficutl chat for you :( Hugs to you. Take care. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Q3: How do I stop the pain of losing my pet? #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Couldn't agree more! RT @lookwhatlabs: @Mod_Lorie loving them so much is what makes us who we are #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A3a Stopping the pain is the worst thing one can do IMO. There is a PRECIOUS gift, if instead, you lean INTO the pain!!! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A3b this is a new and different paradigm and 1 reason I wrote my book. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: You can't pretend the death didn't happen... #barkoutloud
wholedogcamp: @tacrabtree I like the idea of planting a memorial tree. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: And you can't pretend that you're okay if you're not. #barkoutloud
gooddogz: "When dogs die they take a piece of our hearts. When we add dogs they fill our hearts. By the time we die our hearts are all dog" #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A3c The depth of our grief is in direct proportion to the depth of our love AND IF we totally surrender to that pain, we reach a #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A3d place so deep inside ourselves there is nothing there but love!! Our precious doggies are leading us into the silence and into #barkoutloud
ppa4u: really sacred space! #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: losing any member of one's family is hard, but you must grieve or mourn to heal. It's like peelling back layers of an onion. #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: It's hard to lean into it when everyone else around seems to be denying it and ignoring it....know what I mean? #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Nadine I like your choice of words, "lean into the pain".... #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u Could you explain "leaning into the pain"? #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @wholedogcamp - it was nice & his dog friends were there too watching us plant it, like they knew. Life must cont to grow & bloom #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @wholedogcamp @tacrabtree Like the tree idea and the memorial service shared with friends mentioned by @foster_sj @turtlelady81 #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: I'd like to hear more about "leaning into the pain" also. RT @Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u Could you explain "leaning into the pain"? #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: yes please explain leaning into the pain and I am not sure if I agree with A3c #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: @ppa4u Q3 and if you don't accept the pain or try to stuff it, it will sit there doing damage, coming out in wrong ways until u do #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u Nice multi-part answer. Appreciate it. #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Our pets give us so much compassion! Our compassion for ourselves might slip away when our pet dies. Gotta work on not losing that #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: Thank you ... @HACShoppes you loved him and he loved you, and still does. #barkoutloud
ppa4u: Leaning into the pain means- stop trying to avoid feeling horrible- cry till it dissolves you- surrender even if it feels like #barkoutloud
ppa4u: it's going to destroy it- in fact, let it- you will be amazed where it leads you! #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: my heart must be just about to bust out doggies then :0 #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Please let us know what your thoughts are re A3c.RT @danielbeattydvm: ...I am not sure if I agree with A3c #barkoutloud
foster_sj: I love that advice of crying all your tears. Thank you. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Interesting last 2 tweets...RT @ppa4u: its going to destroy it- in fact, let it- you will be amazed where it leads you! #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: RT @foster_sj: I love that advice of crying all your tears. Thank you. *you're spot on, sistah* #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: Re Leaning into the pain - I'd still be crying if I didn't make myself stop...but a yr later I'm still so sad...wish I knew #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: ...a year ago what I know now.... I still can't even think of my boy without breaking down and that makes me sad in itself... #barkoutloud
gooddogz: admit it, who besides me has already cried here 2 night #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: I still cry years later. Have to force myself to stop thinking about it at times. Tonight's chat is hard! #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: <Raises hand> RT @gooddogz: admit it, who besides me has already cried here 2 night #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: ... I wish I could smile at Rusty's memories but I'm still not there and they only bring me pain and sadness :( #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Somehow when I think of my boy Oliver... I smile and laugh now...I cried all tears I had... #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @RustyDawgPetPro I have happy memories but miss them still #barkoutloud
ppa4u: Again- I'm not advocating anyone "get over it" OR "dwell in it"- I'm talking about surrendering to the feelings you have #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @Mod_Lorie - yep leaky eyes, but then happy sweet blk lab pup jumps on bed, can't replace but is good therapy movin on #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: And, I firmly believe that he sent the next one.... my little sato mutt, Janie... who acts like him, looks a bit like him... #barkoutloud
gooddogz: If I have to go somewhere sad I use my sadness for the loss of my heart dog , so I am not the blubbering fool in public #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @RustyDawgPetPro Pain & sadness are an important gift- they can change your life if you let them and don't resist #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @tacrabtree Yep. New pets find a new place in our hearts. But they don't replace the ones that have gone before. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: But is who I asked him to send... a smaller pup with less hair. And, that's seemingly what he did. Ya think, Syl? #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: with the 6yo blk lab that passed, besides tree we all wrote our fav moment out on canvas, framed - forever memories! #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Born to cry, I guess 'cause I'm cryin' tonight over a pet that died 6 years ago. #barkoutloud
ppa4u: When my girl dies, it busted me WIDE open and BEING w/the grief totally was a transforming experience I highly recommend ;) #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: You're not alone, sistah! RT @foster_sj: Born to cry, I guess cause Im cryin tonight over a pet that died 6 years ago. #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @ppa4u - the pain can sure make us more compassionate ppl #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u How did the death of your pet transform you personally? Love to hear. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @Mod_Lorie Not replaced... just extended life.... #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Yup, Oliver's still at work for ya', TurtleLady. #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: @RustyDawgPetPro we can only do the best we can 4 our dogs, give them all the love we can and that has to be our best tribute... #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @tacrabtree Absolutely! AND it can take us to a place inside of knowing there is nothing ever dies, but only changes form #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @turtlelady81 - we've said it before - the next special pet finds us I believe. Just what we need at the moment #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: I am trying to grasp the concept here - for me grief is a temporary passing emotion and not in direct correlation with love #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @danielbeattydvm huh? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @danielbeattydvm I suggest you haven't surrendered to it fully/emotionally #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @danielbeattydvm - the use of the grief to make us a better person, enjoying what we have more, sharing more, life is so precious #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: I was off work a week or two back then but had to pull myself together to function, 2 go to work etc,was unable 2 "lean into it"... #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Yes!RT @ppa4u: @tacrabtree Absolutely! AND it can take us to a place inside of knowing nothing ever dies, but only changes form #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: @ppa4u not sure if I need to #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @danielbeattydvm Can you explain grief being a passing emotion not correlated with love? #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: I think whatever works for you is the best road to take! RT @danielbeattydvm: @ppa4u not sure if I need to #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @danielbeattydvm Perhaps- or COULD be, you're passing up something wonderful ;-) #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: take for example my cat from college - I loved that little guy. He passed and I cried for a few minutes. Still love him #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: I still tell stories about my cat still has a place in my heart and he still makes me smile - my grief lasted a day at most #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @danielbeattydvm Good for you, Dan... #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @danielbeattydvm - don't you think that added to your life a greater appreciation for other cats? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @danielbeattydvm everyone's different! #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Don't think you have to cry to grieve. RT @danielbeattydvm: my cat from college - I loved that little guy...cried for few minutes. #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @Mod_Lorie - yes we all grieve and handle things differently. Don't think any one way is rt or wrong #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: @Mod_Hilary guess I am still trying to grasp the concept then - I'll sit back and read some more #barkoutloud
kindcutesteve: @danielbeattydvm I think you are quite unusual, grief for one day; grief for many of us is far longer #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @danielbeattydvm That certainly shows that you loved your cat, by still talking/thinking abt him. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @danielbeattydvm You don't have to agree. Your POV is definitely valuable. Just need expansions on your thoughts to understand. #barkoutloud
gooddogz: my Dad made a gorgeous scrap book of my golden Ginger and on the last page it says I know she was only a dog, but she was my dog. #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Agree. RT @tacrabtree: @Mod_Lorie - yes we all griev and handle things differently. Dont think any one way is rt or wrong #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Grief is expressed in many different ways and some just turn grief into practical action #barkoutloud
foster_sj: Work should give time to grieve for UR pet/family member if we are the long-grieving types. Values should reflect compassion 4 loss #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Q4. How do I make others understand what I'm going through? #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @danielbeattydvm @Mod_Hilary difficult to have such philosophical discussions in 131 characters! #barkoutloud
danielbeattydvm: No - I am not disagreeing I am just trying to grasp the concept because it seems foreign to me, especially to lean into the pain. #barkoutloud
gooddogz: I don't think 30 years later people think it was only a pet. Pets r family, and my dogs were always family. #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: By the way, Nadine has written a wonderful book that you can purchase on Amazon or on her website: http://bit.ly/96LgKW #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: That's fair! RT @danielbeattydvm: Not disagreeing ...trying to grasp concept because it seems foreign to me, esp lean into pain. #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A4a I think it is important to communicate to others that this was a very important relationship and be honest about your pain #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: we still tell stories RT @gooddogz: I dont think 30 years later people think it was only a pet. Pets r family, my dogs were family. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @danielbeattydvm Leaning into the pain is foreign to me as well. I still don't really get it, but am open to it. #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @danielbeattydvm I think people grieve in different manners and for different lengths of time #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Her book, "The Healing Art of Pet Parenthood" is thought provoking and tender. It's a wonderful book! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A4b Personally, I hunkered in and didn't talk to those who couldn't understand for awhile #barkoutloud
gooddogz: some people like my parents never get another dog #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: 1 yr after Rusty died I didnt verbally tell any1 but posted on his FB page & no personal friends/family even commented :( #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Understand that! RT @ppa4u: A4b Personally, I hunkered in and didnt talk to those who couldnt understand for awhile #barkoutloud
ppa4u: A4c and then I spent 8 months writing my book so others would have something to give people to help them understand #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Do you think they just didn't know what to say? #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @RustyDawgPetPro - I'm so sorry, that is just wrong in my opinion. (((hugs))) #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: @Mod_Hilary I don't know but it didn't make me feel very good. Even my boyfriend didn't say anything. #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Sorry you had that experience :-( RT @tacrabtree: @RustyDawgPetPro - Im so sorry, that is just wrong in my opinion. (((hugs))) #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: Here's a link to some beautiful custom created candles with photos of ur pet that are powerful healing tools: http://bit.ly/dARQdm #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Wow, that's rough. Not even your bf? That's amazing. Some people don't know how to express feelings, though. #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: @ppa4u Do you think our society allows women to grieve more openly than men? #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: @Mod_Hilary No, he told me a while later he saw the post but didn't know what to say so he didn't acknowledge it or my pain. #barkoutloud
dancingdogblog: Absolutely! RT @Mod_Lorie: @ppa4u Do you think our society allows women to grieve more openly than men? #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @Mod_Lorie I don't know--I was at a funeral 2day and the men were balling and the woman stoic #barkoutloud
tacrabtree: @turtlelady81 - those candles are cool. I have a coffe mug with pic of my Solid dog who passed. We have coffee together ea morning #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @gooddogz yankees... all of 'em! #barkoutloud
ppa4u: @Mod_Lorie No. Eg: Ronald Reagan's funeral. Every newscaster praised Nancy 4 Being stoic. I think stoic causes disease. #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Not knowing what to say is one thing; acknowledging is another. So sorry! #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Yeah, I agree with Hilary. RT @Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Not knowing what to say is one thing; acknowledging is another. Sorry! #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: @ppa4u Do you think it's stoicism, or really something else? I can't always cry at the right moments (funerals, etc). #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: Thanks..I agree... RT @Mod_Hilary: @RustyDawgPetPro Not knowing what to say is one thing; acknowledging is another. So sorry! #barkoutloud
gooddogz: @ppa4u I am not a fan of stoic. My family cries before the hat hits the floor #barkoutloud
turtlelady81: @gooddogz So does my hub.. : )
ppa4u: @Mod_Hilary Look at other cultures- Russia, Italy, etc- people SHOW their emotion! #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: How we grew up makes a huge diff... RT @gooddogz: @ppa4u I am not a fan of stoic. My family cries before the hat hits the floor #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: True-@petparentauthor will take questions privately...Its almost 10:30... we have to wrap... #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: I just can't always. I've tried! RT @ppa4u: @Mod_Hilary Look at other cultures- Russia, Italy, etc- people SHOW their emotion! #barkoutloud
RustyDawgPetPro: In my family we ignored pain/emotions and pretended everything was ok... #barkoutloud
Mod_Hilary: Wonderful discussion; thanks for all of your thoughts and opinions! And thanks to @ppa4u aka @petparentauthor for guesting! #barkoutloud
Mod_Lorie: Nadine, where is your book available?
ppa4u: My book available on Amazon http://tinyurl.com/5afyth or any online retailers. Video: http://www.TheHealingArtOfPetParenthood.com #barkoutloud